1/17/13
Tonight was pivotal. I am humbled….in awe… I witnessed a childlike
faith. And realized just how honored I
am to be in the position of caring for my mom.
Over the past year, there have been so many times that I have wondered
why…that I have felt at the end of my rope…tired, frustrated, angry,
grief-stricken…and now – blessed…honored.
At 2:19 a.m., I am awakened by the light that
shines through the panes of my bedroom door overlooking the patio. The light is coming from the living
room. “Oh, no,” I think… “She’s
up.” It’s just a few short steps into
the living room. There sits my mom in
her chair…. A big chair and a half. She
is dressed…. Green turtleneck sweater and blue jeans. Her jeans are rolled up because she is so
short now. Even shorter than she was
when I was a child due to osteoporosis.
When she sees me, she says brightly, “Good morning!” Well, now…. I am not feeling too bright at
2:19 a.m. I’m wanting to still be
asleep. So, I say, “It’s not
morning. It’s bedtime. Let’s go to bed.” She is very compliant. She arises from her chair and asks, “Which
way do I go? This way?”, she points down
the hallway in the direction of her bedroom.
“Yes, ma’am…that’s it.” I walk
her to her bedroom and get her to undress and put her pj’s back on, instructing
her with each article of clothing. She
apologizes three times… three times…Significant, though I didn’t realize the
significance until I type this. She
asks, “Now what do I do? Get in
bed?” “Yes, ma’am…that is what you do in
the middle of the night…you go to bed and sleep.” I give her a hug, tell her goodnight and
instruct her to not get back up…and I tell her that I love her.
As I’m walking down the hallway back to my
bedroom, I hear her talking. Curious, I
backtrack and stand in front of her door to listen and this is what I hear… “I
don’t know what I’m doing. No, I
don’t. Just be with me, Lord. Be with me.”
Do you see it? Do you feel
it? What we have witnessed is something
holy. A childlike faith. Here is a lady that was once independent –
sometimes sweet, sometimes fiery. Her
personality hasn’t changed much. Only
her circumstances. She is now totally
dependent on others – dependent like a child.
Surrendering to God…trusting God to get her through this confusing and
scary time.
I am humbled…and blessed….honored. Honored to be her daughter. Honored to take care of her. Humbled, sorrowful, and repentant, remembering
all the times that I have been frustrated and thought why me…all the times that
I have been angry for various reasons about the situation. This moment, I understand that I have been
blessed. I get to witness true faith in
action. Jesus says that we are to become
like little children in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. Fully trusting in him. I know that He has answered her heartfelt
simple prayer and He is with her. I
envision angels watching over her. A
holy moment of answered prayer.
I’m not sure that I am properly explaining the
depth of this moment…if you see it…if you feel it. But this was a God moment…a moment of
surrender…a moment of trust… a powerful, precious moment between a childlike woman
and our Lord.
May your day be blessed.
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