Moments with Little Mama: Decision Day

Welcome!

This is a journal of our lives with my mom, affectionately known as Little Mama. In her 90's, she is a sweet, spunky, spirited, sometimes exasperating, tiny little lady that now lives with moderate dementia and macular degeneration. These journal entries show the good times and the not-so-good times.

Little Mama's type of dementia is age-related and is not hereditary. Sometimes, she appears to be perfectly normal. Other times, it is obvious that something is amiss. It is her desire to remain in our home rather than live out her days in an assisted living facility. It is my prayer that we will be able to honor her in this way. We feel blessed...and challenged...that she lives in our home. This is not easy, and important things rarely are easy. It takes an emotional and physical toll on the caregivers. I've been through the 7 stages of grief at least once if not more! If you are in a similar situation, you understand what I mean! Fortunately, our family helps a lot both physically and emotionally. It takes a team.

The fourth commandment tells us to honor our parents. That is done in many different ways. If you are struggling with a decision, please pray and ask for guidance and wisdom. Our Lord will let you know how He wants you to honor them. Regardless of the way you honor your loved ones, you will need support. So build your team, whether it is from members of your family or a support group.

I am finally learning that: I can't fix it. I can't change it. All I can do is accept it, trust God, and roll with it. (My condensed version of the Serenity Prayer.) We are learning to relax, laugh, and savor every moment we have with my mom on this side of Heaven.

So, scroll down.... read the entries...laugh and cry with us.

Blessings!

Lisa

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Decision Day

My mom will occasionally get frustrated with me. (Imagine that!) And occasionally, she will get frustrated with herself. She knows that her brain is not functioning normally. That's when the tears flow. When she cries, it hurts my heart. When she is frustrated, she will say, "Well, I just need to go back to Merrill Gardens!" That's where she was for 5 years in an independent apartment.

Today was one of those frustrated days. It was something little that set it off.... She couldn't see to turn on the washer and needed assistance. Her little chin quivered and she began to cry silently...and she went outside to be alone. I followed her outside after a few minutes, sat down beside her and said, "Let's talk. Do you really want to go back to Merrill Gardens?" "No!", she says... "I love it here! I love to sit on the bench and listen to the birds. I love to go for walks. I want to stay here. I want to BE here." With being here, she will have to adjust to having a sitter help out. For her safety, she cannot be alone. That is so humiliating and so frustrating for a woman that fought so hard to gain her independence. Fiercely independent, she is. She reluctantly agreed.

So! Off to the library for me! I checked out a few books on dementia.... Each one should have a little tidbit that will help us understand and care for her. Here is a list of the books:

The Validation Breakthrough

Alzheimer's Activities That Stimulate the Mind

Day by Day

And one of the books that I bought recently that is awesome is I'm Still Here. It explains that there are different types of memory and points out how the use of music and art are pathways in the brain to memories.

So we are on a journey now.... a journey to knowledge and understanding. I am determined to fill the days with laughter and love. It might be through gritted teeth sometimes... but we will get there.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13