Oh, MY!!

Oh, My! Oh, me, oh my! Have you any idea how dirty your house can get when you have a loved one with dementia that is "cleaning" her room and bathroom? Not only dementia...but macular degeneration so she can't see what is dirty?? And to top it off, you can't clean while she is here because, you see, it is HER job! And she gets her feelings hurt and all out of sorts if you go behind her and do it.

Thank you, dear Jesus, for my brother and sister in law this week! Other family members have helped at other times - but that was before this blog :) Thanks also for Chrissy and Michael and to Missy and Chris for helping at other times.

Not only is it dirty, but you find things in the strangest places. If you live with an elderly person with dementia, you know what I'm a-talkin' about. I just finished her bathroom. Please be sure to check to see just what your loved one is bathing or showering with. Is she using the toilet brush to scrub her back? Perhaps she took a baby's toothbrush and is brushing her teeth with it. Hmm.... when she is otherwise occupied, check it out.

Break's over!

Blessings to all!
Lisa

Things I'm learning

Just a handful of things that are important to do:

Walk beside them. Do you remember that poem about friendship? I can't quote it but, to paraphrase, it says not to walk in front b/c might not follow, not to walk behind b/c I might not lead... just walk beside and be my friend... be there with me.

Learn empathy. Huh... One would think that is something you are born with. And now we are told that we can actually learn it. I think it comes with doing the next one.

Learn to listen and talk with them rather than restraining, patronizing, or telling them what to do. Now sometimes, this is easier said than done. Like when Little Ellie has a sharp knife in her hand and wants to either open a package or cut a tomato. That might be okay if she could SEE! I see their point...but ....

Learn to respect them. Have you noticed that children don't seem to be taught to respect their elders like they were at one time? Everybody is equal! NOT! Certainly children and youth should be treated with respect...but we need to be sure to teach our children to respect the elderly. Hey, if it weren't for our elderly, none of us would be here.

Find pleasure in being with your elderly loved one. Sometimes this can be difficult. You are so tired from trying to keep up with everything and everyone. You are just trying to make it through the day. Take time to stop and smell the roses. Live in the moment. You will be surprised how much you enjoy them.

BLESSINGS!

Decision Day

My mom will occasionally get frustrated with me. (Imagine that!) And occasionally, she will get frustrated with herself. She knows that her brain is not functioning normally. That's when the tears flow. When she cries, it hurts my heart. When she is frustrated, she will say, "Well, I just need to go back to Merrill Gardens!" That's where she was for 5 years in an independent apartment.

Today was one of those frustrated days. It was something little that set it off.... She couldn't see to turn on the washer and needed assistance. Her little chin quivered and she began to cry silently...and she went outside to be alone. I followed her outside after a few minutes, sat down beside her and said, "Let's talk. Do you really want to go back to Merrill Gardens?" "No!", she says... "I love it here! I love to sit on the bench and listen to the birds. I love to go for walks. I want to stay here. I want to BE here." With being here, she will have to adjust to having a sitter help out. For her safety, she cannot be alone. That is so humiliating and so frustrating for a woman that fought so hard to gain her independence. Fiercely independent, she is. She reluctantly agreed.

So! Off to the library for me! I checked out a few books on dementia.... Each one should have a little tidbit that will help us understand and care for her. Here is a list of the books:

The Validation Breakthrough

Alzheimer's Activities That Stimulate the Mind

Day by Day

And one of the books that I bought recently that is awesome is I'm Still Here. It explains that there are different types of memory and points out how the use of music and art are pathways in the brain to memories.

So we are on a journey now.... a journey to knowledge and understanding. I am determined to fill the days with laughter and love. It might be through gritted teeth sometimes... but we will get there.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13