If you are a caregiver or know someone who is, perhaps you have read The Ten Absolutes. They say:
Never argue, instead agree
Never reason, instead divert
Never shame, instead distract
Never lecture, instead reassure
Never say "remember", instead reminisce
Never say, "I told you...", instead repeat and regroup
Never say, "You can't!", instead find out what they CAN do
Never command or demand, instead ask and model
Never condescend, instead encourage and praise
Never force, instead reinforce
Agreed, this is something to strive for. However, it is my opinion that it is easier to do this in an institutional setting. In that setting, there are caregivers that have support and they get to go home after 8 to 10 hours. When you are the primary caregiver and are with your loved one with dementia almost all of the time, this is an ideal.... something to strive for but rarely something achieved totally.
We have tried reminiscing with my mom. Macular degeneration has stolen her eyesight, so we are unable to look at pictures to reminisce. So we have gotten her to talk about when she was a small child. The LAST time that I did that, she didn't know where she was or who we were for 2 days. She thought she was in her early childhood hometown. She had a good time in her hometown!
During that reminiscing session, I realized that her long-term memory is no longer intact. She said that she and my dad moved to her hometown after they married. Nope. They never lived there. So when I read that the experts say that their long-term memory remains intact, I know that there is an exception to the rule...and my mom is IT!
So perhaps I'm weak. Perhaps I'm lazy. The Ten Absolutes are an ideal of perfection. I don't know about you...but I don't live in a state of perfection. Jesus Christ is the only perfect one. And He has blessed us greatly with extra time with my mom.
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