Father's Day

Today is Father's Day.  It's a special day for me.  I was born on Father's Day.  My daddy died 19 years ago, and before he left this world, he wrote me a very special letter.  He asked me to take care of my mom.  He asked me to share with her some of my strength.  He spoke of his great love for her and the love that she was able to give to him.  So today, I honor both my dads.... my earthly father and my Heavenly Father.  I am doing my best to honor my earthly father by taking care of my mom the way he asked.  And I can do it only with the help of my Heavenly Father.  He is the one that gives me strength. He does that with giving me wonderful family and friends that provide respite time and a word of encouragement.  And I know that my daddy is spending this Father's Day in the presence of our Heavenly Father.  It gives me comfort to know that I will see them both one day.  Blessings to all on this special day!

Ten Absolutes

If you are a caregiver or know someone who is, perhaps you have read The Ten Absolutes.  They say:

Never argue, instead agree
Never reason, instead divert
Never shame, instead distract
Never lecture, instead reassure
Never say "remember", instead reminisce
Never say, "I told you...", instead repeat and regroup
Never say, "You can't!", instead find out what they CAN do
Never command or demand, instead ask and model
Never condescend, instead encourage and praise
Never force, instead reinforce

Agreed, this is something to strive for.  However, it is my opinion that it is easier to do this in an institutional setting.  In that setting, there are caregivers that have support and they get to go home after 8 to 10 hours.  When you are the primary caregiver and are with your loved one with dementia almost all of the time, this is an ideal.... something to strive for but rarely something achieved totally. 

We have tried reminiscing with my mom.  Macular degeneration has stolen her eyesight, so we are unable to look at pictures to reminisce.  So we have gotten her to talk about when she was a small child.  The LAST time that I did that, she didn't know where she was or who we were for 2 days.  She thought she was in her early childhood hometown.  She had a good time in her hometown! 

During that reminiscing session, I realized that her long-term memory is no longer intact.  She said that she and my dad moved to her hometown after they married.  Nope.  They never lived there.  So when I read that the experts say that their long-term memory remains intact, I know that there is an exception to the rule...and my mom is IT! 

So perhaps I'm weak.  Perhaps I'm lazy.  The Ten Absolutes are an ideal of perfection.  I don't know about you...but I don't live in a state of perfection.  Jesus Christ is the only perfect one.  And He has blessed us greatly with extra time with my mom.

Decision time

I have made a decision to place my mom in a facility.  There are some extenuating circumstances beyond my control that make this necessary.  Now comes the monumental task of finding the right fit for her.  Many questions to ask and have answered.

Do you make sure that she eats?
How do you handle minor illnesses?

There are many more....but it has been a long day and my brain is tired...and my eyes are crossing!  Feel free to offer suggestions on questions to ask.

Blessings,
Lisa