5/30/13
One of those weeks. Challenging to say the least. Tonight, I yelled at my Little Mama. Not proud of it. Not the right way to handle her.
Not to make excuses…I don’t think that people
realize just how difficult it is to take care of a family member who is also dementia
patient. It is one thing to work in a
dementia facility. In a facility, there
are multiple caregivers that get to go home after an 8 or possibly 10 hour
shift. It is easier to control your mood
when you know that you are going home in a few hours. However, that’s not the way it is when they
live with you. What I keep trying to
remember is that it is easier to have her living in our home than it is to have
her in a facility. Where she was before,
we got regular phone calls because she complained of a some sort of pain…head,
tummy, etc. So it’s easier to just walk
down the hall or across the room to tend to the current complaint rather than
drive across town to take care of a situation.
Little Mama gets fixated every evening on
something different. Sundowner’s is the
cause. For several days, she had to
clear her throat. So for about 4 hours,
she was getting up every few minutes and going outside to “get this out of my
throat.” Back and forth.
Yesterday, she said she was “sick”….just “sick”….
And couldn’t eat. She had refused lunch,
so I made sure she ate – even though she was not happy about it. Once she ate, she felt much better. Also yesterday, she told me to “call Hellon
and have her come get me.” Well, ya know….that’s
a little tough. Hellon died a long time
ago. The interesting thing about
yesterday is that (1) she knew me; (2) she knew where she was; (3) in my lifetime, Hellon never lived close
enough to just come get her.
Today, the constant complaint was “I need a
dentist…I need to see Jack.” Jack, my
dad, died a long time ago. “Jack can’t
see you.” “The dentist is closed.” “We can’t do anything about it now.” Over
and over. She finally got frustrated and
raised her voice at me: “I. NEED. TO.
SEE. A. DENTIST!” That’s when I yelled.
“They” tell you to “take a time out if you feel
yourself getting frustrated.” And you
should. I should. And I should not yell at her. I apologized.
She said, “That’s okay.” No, it
really isn’t. She doesn’t
understand. She would not and did not
choose to be this way.
Her hurt feelings and overall negative feelings
lingered for about 30 minutes. She felt
like she had done something wrong…but she didn’t know what it was. My husband joked with her and – after a few
jokes – she laughed.
Her mood is fine now. HOWEVER, she now needs to clear her throat….so
we will do that for about an hour. At
least we are past the dentist issue and her wanting to call my daddy. THIS time, I’m going to take a time out and
not repeat my mistake.
5/28/13
This was one of those evenings that I need to
try to remember how my mom was before dementia. She loved her grandbabies. She
worked hard and put others first. She was perky and energetic and was quick to
laugh. She loved to cook for others. She thought that it was extremely
important to have a clean house. And she was so glad that my hubby loves me
despite the fact that I'm not good at working AND keeping the house clean.
Okay.... now I can smile again.
5/26/13
Little Mama got out of bed about 15 minutes
ago. She crept into the hallway, barely able to stand, asking for help. She
wanted to go back to bed, but I led her into the great room to "her"
chair. I thought perhaps it was just dehydration. For added uumph, I put some
AdvoCare Spark in a bottle of water and helped her drink it through a straw.
She is now sitting up, ready to get dressed, and feeling okay. Spark does have
artificial sweetener (I was concerned about that) AND it is packed with
vitamins. Glad to see that Little Mama is feeling better.
5/25/13
It's raining! We are sitting on the deck
watching Devil Dog/Phoebe trying to catch raindrops.
5/24/13
Little Mama dressed herself for bed... She came
out and said goodnight. Want to know what she had on? Pajama pants (good job!)
and a pullover sweater. Whatever.... She at least did it herself and that helps
her to feel "normal".
5/23/13
We went to our sweet grand's preschool
graduation tonight. Little Mama went with us. You know, dementia patients don't
know how to whisper anymore....nor do they censor their comments. She was
almost as entertaining as the kids! Little Mama thinks she is a guest tonight
and said she has enjoyed being with us. At least she has had a good time.
Overall, it was a good night.
5/22/13
Little Mama got me up about 10 minutes ago. All
she can say is that she is "sick". I think she is nauseated.... She
can't express herself well enough to really tell me what is wrong. No fever. No
shortness of breath. Maybe it's a stomach virus. This is a lady that called 911
because she had diarrhea.... that was a very long time ago when she still lived
alone in our home town. (I rubbed some peppermint oil on the soles of her feet
and her wrists. Seemed to help.)
5/21/13
Little Mama is about as passive-aggressive as
they come. Struggled with her to get her to eat. Then when I told her she
didn't have to eat any more, she began to eat. We have a 92 year old child on
our hands. I'm not complaining.... just stating facts. Later, we struggled to keep
Little Mama from going to bed. Finally...when she said that she was going to
have to get up and walk around...I told her to go ahead and go to bed. Know
what??? She didn't want to anymore! We have a 2 year old in a 92 year old
body....
5/19/13
Okay....
I opted for a little Blue Bell ice cream cup.... but I think it's gonna have to
be wine. I would go for a walk if I could, but this takes 2 of us. She is now
in the living room. I got her a small dish of orange sherbert. She looks at me
and says with a quiver in her voice, "Will you come over here and sit by
me? I need to know where I am." I explained that she is at home, she is safe, and she lives with Lisa and Kim.
SOOOOOO.....
Little Mama: "Where is home?"
Lisa: "Shreveport, Louisiana"
LM: "Nooooooo, it isn't!"
LM: "Has any of my family been called?"
Lisa: "Yes."
LM: "Who in my family is here with me?"
Lisa: "Lisa and Kim"
LM: "Lisa and Kim?" looking right at
me.... no recognition in her eyes.
Well, I thought everything was okay.... then she
got up and went to the bathroom. She returns, walks toward us, shaking her
finger at us, and says, "I need to
know where I am." "At home." "My real home?" "Yes...your real home." By this time,
I am laughing and covering my eyes. Stress reaction. She finally went back and
sat down as directed. At this moment, she is sitting down, bending over at the
waist, head down...and shaking her head back and forth.
Thirty seconds later….Oops.... here she comes!
Lisa: "WHAT??"
LM: "I need to know where I am."
Lisa: "What have we told you?" Yes....I
know....this is totally incorrect per the experts.
LM: "Home."
Lisa: "Home is correct. You are at home. If
you will go in your room, you will see that your furniture is in there. You are
at home. Enough. Enough."
LM: "I am at home. Thank you."
With that, she sat down....for this minute anyway.
All I can say is.... I just wonder what's gonna
happen in the future that I need to learn THIS much patience.
5/18/13
We had a really good couple of nights. We entertained! Two couples in two days. Little Mama was a sweetheart! She probably gets bored with just the two of
us here. We will have to have more
people come…more often!
5/14/13
I've
been thinking.... I know, I know....there is always trouble when I start
thinking. Anyway,
I've been thinking.... we need to entertain more. We had some friends over for
dinner Sunday evening. Little Mama was on her very best behavior, interjecting
appropriately with her timing and her comments. Generic comments that make it
appear that she knows exactly what is going on even if she doesn't. (Funny how
those social graces remain intact for a while.) I think I'll make a calendar
just for get-togethers! Not to brag, but both of us are good cooks (well,
except for chicken n dumplins...I'm not so good at that). It’s time to start
entertaining!
