It has been a long time since I posted anything at all... The last time, we were going to hire a sitter to help out with my mom. Much has happened since then! We hired a sitter....a wonderful lady named Sue. A few months later, my mom kept telling Sue that she wanted to go back to Merrill Gardens (now Horizon Bay). She was feeling so constrained with us monitoring and curtailing her activities. We went along with her request to move back to the assisted living facility in November 2010. With a brief adjustment period, she seemed to be happy there. A few months later, we were concerned that she wasn't eating as she should... so we requested that they escort her to the dining room for all of her meals. Then, in August 2011, my mom lost her balance and fell, striking her forehead on the wooden handrail, and requiring 10 stitches. She had quite a concussion.
The head injury seemed to exacerbate her dementia, and we made the decision to place her in the Memory Care Unit of the facility. Initially, it seemed to be the right decision. It was not. We learned some important lessons. If you are thinking of placing your loved one in a dementia facility, look closely and ask yourself - and the staff - some questions. First, what is the physical environment like? Is it light, bright, and cheerful? Does it feel like home...or is it sterile like a hospital? Are there snacks available? Do they encourage the residents to eat? What type of food do they serve? Check out the credentials of the administration, managers, and staff at the facility. You may find out that they are not the experts that they claim to be. If you have a loved one in a facility, visit them daily and at all hours of the day and night. If you cannot, please have a family member or friend visit them and report back to you. Educate yourself about dementia so that you recognize the signs of depression/inability to adjust vs. progression of dementia. Please learn from us...
My mom appeared to be declining from dementia rapidly. With each visit, her cognition seemed to decline. Her eyes were no longer bright. Sometimes it seemed that she didn't recognize us. She lost a significant amount of weight. Many times, her hygiene and grooming were less than desirable. We visited with her on January 8, and I was very concerned. I kick myself now for not taking her with me then. Instead, I decided to talk with the manager the next day. As I was preparing to leave my home and go to the facility, I received a call. My mom had fallen due to weakness. Although she was uninjured, she needed medical attention.
You bet she did. She couldn't walk without assistance, her weakness was so significant. She walked approximately 5 feet with me holding on to her and she collapsed in my arms. At the doctor's office on January 9, 2012, I learned that her blood pressure was very low. The reason? Dehydration. Unacceptable. We learned that her weight was now 86 lbs - down another 2 lbs from the end of October. She weighed 94 lbs when she moved into the Memory Care Unit in August 2011. For reference, she weighed 95 lbs when she moved into her "independent" apartment in November 2010.
Today is January 28, 2012. I don't know how much my mom weighs. But what I do know is that on January 10th, she walked about 120 ft (with assistance) before she needed to rest.... after she was provided with meals, drinks, and snacks at our home for a little over a day. We made the decision to keep her at our home. I believe that sending her back there would have been sentencing her to death. Today, Little Ellie can walk without assistance. Her strength has improved daily. Her cognition has significantly improved. She smiles, laughs, interacts with us and our pets. She knows us and calls us by name. She knows her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Yes, she still has dementia. Yes, she still has cognitive issues. But we are managing. If she passes away tonight, at least I know that she is comfortable, safe, and as happy as she can be.
Again, if you are considering placing your loved one in a facility...or if your loved one is already there... educate yourself. Educate yourself about dementia. Educate yourself about the facility. Be a detective. Visit at all hours. Pay attention to changes, whether small or large. Your loved one is defenseless. Be their advocate. Their very lives may depend on you.
